You're my Disco...

darlingdolly — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:10:31 +0000

This is Anand Jon. This is the man that raped me when I was 19 years old. I was too embarassed to come forward against someone so famous.

Today he will be sentenced w/ multiple counts of rape and sexual asault.

He faces life in prison. I hope he rots.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2008/09/the-anand-jon-rape-trial-update.php

darlingdolly — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 19:17:26 +0000

Newest purchase. On sale for 50.00 so a decent price. It’s called the Golden Half camera.

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=60&startValue=1&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=16615320&parentid=SALE_A_NEW&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,+product.marketingPriority,-product.startDate&navCount=24&navAction=poppushpush&color=&pushId=SALE_A_NEW&popId=SALE_APT&prepushId=

that should be the link. I’m terrible w/ web things so you’ll have to excuse me. Anyway, awhile ago I ordered a bunch of books from urban, and they are a few entrees down. One was called “life as a golden half” and is all photography taken with this camera. Yeah, the book is boring, but the way the camera takes pictures is pretty cool. Its takes two pictures side by side. So if you get a 24 pic count, you end up with 48 pictures instead. The company also makes many affordable kinds of film. Today the sepia toned film was on sale for 10.00 for 3 rolls. so 144 pictures for 10.00, not bad.

I keep finding my digital camera to be a pain in the ass. it’s nice. I have a printer for it. but I’m always too lazy to download them to the computer, photoshop, print them out, load the ink, etc. This is much easier for me. And not as clunky. Im also not so worried about it breaking as it is only 1/3 the cost of my digital. I do think I will have to buy a flash attachment, but I will wait until the 2nd roll of film to see how they turn out first before I decide on that.

I’m going up North w/ Tony for his birthday in 2 weeks and can use the camera then on the lake. Should be nice. I’m very excited and also nervous because his mother and father will be up there along with a ton of other people. Too many people makes me nervous. Im only going cause it’s his birthday. Otherwise I’d cancel.

He finally told me he loves me. We were hanging out and he dropped me off at home and as I was watching him drive away I said out loud to myself ” I love you..” cause I didn’t think he would ever say it back. But then I thought.. fuck it. I love this guy and I’m telling him whether he likes it or not. So I texted him ‘good night. loves you.’ and he sent back “I can’t deny it, I love you too”..YAYAYAY!! I was getting very worried thinking he would never fall for me. I had been getting so frustrated lately with everything and not feeling loved at all. I almost thought about breaking up with him cause I didn’t know if it would be worth me waiting, I figured he should know by now if he loves me or not. Now I don’t have to fret anymore, Im so relieved.

Well must get to work.

darlingdolly — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 15:57:24 +0000

I’m beginning to get very frustrated w/ my boyfriend. I don’t really know what to do, and I know he can tell that I am getting unhappy. I love him to death, I really do. But I feel like #10 not #1 in his life. He always does stuff w/ his friends like fishing, golfing, softball, outside stuff basically. but then when I finally get to hang out w/ him and ask him to do anything he says he’s too tired or it’s too hot out. How come it wasn’t too hot out earlier when you did it w/ everyone else in the world except me? How come the only thing you wanna do with me is sit on your ass or have sex? I don’t like just sitting in a basement doing nothing. It’s boring. I don’t just wanna bring food and gorge out cause there’s nothing better to do. I’m getting fat and all I want is to be active and I get no support.

I thought this was all more in my head, but my mom brought it up this morning when she asked what we did last night and all I could say was ‘ well we ate a lot.. watched a movie.. and fucked’ like usual. I asked him to take me fishing and he said ‘it was too hot out’.. but you’d think golfing earlier would have been way hotter than seeing on the lake relaxing.

whatever. Im getting angry.

darlingdolly — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 17:56:12 +0000

I’m really trying to write in a paper journal as oppose to a blog. I love the idea of a blog, and I love the input of others. But I write down my memories, and never see what I write again. I want to keep my memories, not lose them to cyber space. I want the opportunity for my future children (if I decide to have them) to know what I was like at this age. And have proof that I really do ‘get it’. Ya know?

So I may write in here sometimes. I guess. I will always have the blogging bug.

darlingdolly — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 19:12:55 +0000

I woke up the other morning with three enormous bug bites on my butt. I realize now they are spider bites. two of which are wedged in between my cheeks, making itching quite uncomfortable.

When I told my mom she made this worse by telling me the spider probably crawled into my butt and laid eggs.

I’m so flipping terrified of spiders that this thought had me in tears and considering a cavity search.

I have to go to work shortly. Im ill. Just a cold. More annoying than anything and cannot get the scratch from my throat. Constant coughing may disgust customers ordering their dinner and taking it from my hands. Tomorrow will be a long night. I’m closing for the first time in months. I generally am straight passed out before 1 AM every night. I have not stayed up until 3 AM in god knows how long. I may need bottled iced coffee to see through the hours. I’m worried about all of the insanely drunk people. They are evil, I tell you. But at least Tony and I will hang out all day and he is going to grill me some ribs. sweet.

darlingdolly — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:22:09 +0000

Lack of writing due to lack of anything exciting happening. Which is not a bad thing! Life is going well. I’m happy for the most part. My relationship is amazing. Work is going fine.I am a bit sick, I think from the weather being so random. I’ve been obsessively watching episodes of Gossip Girl. I’m still trying to lose weight, and I can see that Ive slimmed down a bit, but not enough. I havn’t been working out much, though. So it’s my own fault. Lack of motivation I suppose. Or lack of discipline.

darlingdolly — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:30:58 +0000

I have been in the worst mood for the past few days. My parents are driving me crazy. My mom randomly decided to move everything I own into the storage room and only left me random things in my room that I don’t use stacked in shoe boxes. I have been frantically searching for my things for awhile, but they are boxed up and I will never find them until I move out. My room looks ridiculous right now and I’m really pissed off about it. On top of that I ask mom where she put my things, and her reply is “I didn’t put them anywhere”… uhhh.. isn’t it usually the mom that asks the child ‘So did it grow legs and walk away?’.. not the other way around? THEN, my clothes randomly start disappearing. She leaves things in my closet I would never wear, and takes the things out that I wear regularly. I find them in random dresser drawers throughout her room. But most of them I don’t find again for months cause they get boxed in closets. And why? I don’t know. It’s summer. I need my t-shirts and tanks. I don’t need the sweaters anymore, take those. There’s no reasoning with her though, she’s too dense. Honestly, she’s just not a smart person. I hate to say it. But it’s true.

My dad also is getting worse in eatting addiction. He seriously eats platters of food. not plates. PLATTERS. serving platters usedto feed an entire family. He ate two pounds of french fries last night for dinner w/ 5 pieces of fried fish. Then bitched that I didn’t offer him some of my pizza. I can’t look at his fat ass anymore without feeling sick. I try not to eat anymore. At least when he’s home, which is often. Everytime I eat, he eats. It’s an impulsion I don’t think he can control anymore. I go to work at 2 everyday and don’t eat until midnight, and when I get home to eat for the first time in 10 hours, he still has to eat again because ‘the food smells too good’. Knowing he’s eatten at least 3 times while I was gone. I’m surprised at how chubby I am at this point, because there’s days I only eat breakfast cause it’s the only time he isn’t there.

I want to move out so badly. But I’m too scared to.

darlingdolly — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:10:02 +0000

http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/paralysis.html

I finally have figured out what I have while I sleep. Go to the link to understand. Last night was terrifying and I woke up around 3 AM, so scared to go back to sleep. I had two different sleep paralysis hallucinations. The second was so scary I forgot by now what the first one was. I remember a face above me. It was a woman and I could barely see her. She was threatening and I tried to scream so badly, she told me to shut up. I had my hand in her mouth but I couldn’t move it, and I could get out a voice. She just kept telling me to shut up as she got closer to my face. And I finally whispered “fine.. just please don’t hurt me” as I woke up. I was so fucking scared as I woke up.

This happens so often now sometimes I am afraid to sleep.

New Stuff!

darlingdolly — Sun, 31 May 2009 19:04:54 +0000

Clearly I am on a sunglasses streak. They were all only 5$ on sale so how can I possibly go wrong?

"Crossing Paths" a book on reading palms. I dont know why I believe in such cheesy things but they can be so much fun!

"Life as a Golden Half"

‘The Golden Half is a cult camera from Japan, little and boxy and recently reissued. Life As A Golden Half is a book of images shot with the camera in question, wielded by 11 half-Japanese girls. From self-portraits to everyday images, everything looks better through the lens of the Golden Half, in the hands of the chosen few’

Got these all at Urban Outfitters, along with some neon pink eye shadow, and hello kitty figures, plus a tee for the boyfriend that he will never wear because it suggests inappropriate things about his charactor and whatnot.

Things are going well although work is frustrating me lately. I am sick of most of the customers, and although I like speaking to them as friends, they are so needy and whiney and cheap as customers. I live off of my tips and they seem to think if we are buddies they don’t really need to tip all that much or something. Plus we are changing the bar name, and our ‘grand opening’ of the restaurant and everything is on Friday. We are not prepared. at all. I’m scared and I know we will look stupid. I don’t know if I should take charge and figure things out for myself, or if that is wrong. But it’s clear my boss isn’t going to be able to pull this off on his own, although I know he would like to think he can. It’s too much for one person to take on and at some point he really needs to ask people for help.

Things with the boyfriend are still perfect. I really can’t remember ever being so happy with someone. I have had many great relationships and wonderful people in my life, but no one that I ever felt so much affection towards. I feel like we are a perfect match.

darlingdolly — Sat, 23 May 2009 17:08:59 +0000

Happy 25th Birthday to meeeee. That card is from my brother. Its adorable.

I feel old. I will probably drink a bit tonight and pass out. That’s all.